I yelled today...

I was in the kitchen making my kids lunch today. Ham and cheese. Annie's graham crackers. Milk. I realized when I finished that it was quiet. TOO quiet.

I went on a search and found them both in Hudson's closet where they had emptied every toy bin, clothing bin, and every single box of books. I then realized they had done the same in the family room and E's room. HOW did they manage to do that in 10 minutes when I had left them quietly playing together?

So I yelled. I yelled at them for making a mess, I yelled at them to clean it up. I yelled at them that I couldn't believe they would do this when they knew better. Hudson laughed and I yelled at him to stop laughing.

My house was a mess and looked horrible. I yelled at my kids today for messing it up. I didn't eat my lunch and I cried in a room by myself. I needed Jesus and His wisdom. I needed His grace.

So yes, this day was a royal failure in all kinds of ways. And here I am confessing to the whole world. Transparency is needed though. I want to be a non-yelling mom! No excuses! 

I realized after my yelling spree that they were both quietly looking at me. E is too young to fully grasp it yet, but Hudson looked wounded. Did I call them names? No. Did I scream? No. Will they be scarred? I sure hope not because it IS rare for me to yell. But, was *I* wrong? You betcha, and I asked them to forgive me. I am so thankful for children who show such grace to their mama and love me still. :-) I want them to feel safe and know I will love them through anything. That I will be there for them when they mess up. 

Does it make me the worst mother ever because I yelled? No. But is that the kind of mom I want to be or the kind of mom that my kids know me as? Never! Time for a change :-)

The house is still now during their quiet time and as I sit here sipping my homemade pumpkin spice latte (with Wildtree pumpkin spice blend), I am able to clear the cobwebs away, pray, and share my heart with my readers and friends. 

As Anne Shirley says, "Tomorrow IS a new day, with NO mistakes in it". And as Jesus says, "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 

Don't mess up your days with anger and harsh discipline. Love them. What memories do you want to have 20 years from now? Just think on it :-) 

A paradox...

Maybe someday I'll get my whole life story written out, but this recent writing of mine will have to do for now.

my life is a paradox...

I was....
conceived.
born.

unwanted.
wanted.

ignored.
listened to.

the least of.
the best of.

given up.
adopted.

abandoned.
enfolded.

rejected.
accepted.

loved only when convenient.
loved for who I am.

bitter.
happy.

distraught.
content.

unsettled.
settled.

angry.
calm.

hypocritical.
sincere.

but God took hold of my heart and changed me.
I forgave... wholeheartedly and without abandon.

I now...
love.
rejoice.
accept.
hope.
dream.

and continue to forgive and strive for courage and beautiful grace.

for this, my heart is grateful...

Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014!

What 2013 Looked Like for Us:




*Best Meal*: for our 5th anniversary we went to a restaurant in Rochester, MI called "Kruse & Muir on Main". The service was fantastic, but the food was incredible. My meal was lobster and shrimp with saffron cream! We then had homemade chocolate mousse (on the house because it was our anniversary!) Absolutely SUPERB!

*Favorite Book*: "Not a Fan" Kyle Idleman :-)

*Soundtrack*: The Rend Collective Experiment "Campfire"

*Movies*: "Frozen" and "Impossible"

*Songs*: "He is with us" Love & the Outcome, "What are we waiting for" Matt Papa, and "Worn" Tenth Avenue North

*Favorite place we visited*: Lake Ann, Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore, Traverse City, and Glen Arbor (all with my little family, parents, brother and SIL in August!)

*Epic Moment*: When we were at North Park for our final night of candidating and then left so they could vote for Michael. After we left and went to a local coffee shop to wait to hear, they called us with the news that the church had voted us in with an overwhelming YES! As we walked back into the church that evening, tears of joy were in both of our eyes as the wonderful people clapped and cheered for us. We then had a short time of prayer and everyone came forward to congratulate and welcome us as their new pastor and his wife. We will never forget that beautiful night!

*Most Poignant*: our mission's trip to Detroit. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that my life and outlook was forever changed as we ministered to the people there. We went to help them, but I think we were helped and encouraged even more by their love and acceptance of us. :-)

*Greatest Joy*: watching my children grow and not only love us and each other, but learn about Jesus and how He died for them!

*Scariest afternoon*: when my grandma was undergoing a quadruple bypass and we weren't sure if she was going to make it. So thankful that God spared her life and she is still with us :-)

*High Point*: moving to Grand Rapids is definitely #1, but meeting Kristyn Getty at the gospel coalition conference in April and getting my picture taken with her was a close second. ;-)

*Theme Verse*: 1 Peter 5:10
"And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you."

20 Questions...

I thought I would ask my almost 5 year old some important questions. Enjoy!


1. What is your favorite color?
Blue

2. What is your favorite toy? Thomas and Captain America

3. What is your favorite fruit? Apples and Oranges

4. What is your favorite TV show? Super Squad

5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch?
Macaroni & Cheese

6. What is your favorite outfit?
My Captain America shirt with muscles

7. What is your favorite bible story? Jesus and Adam & Eve

8. What is your favorite snack? Fruit "lever"

9. What is your favorite animal?
A bear like Winnie the Pooh!

10. What is your favorite song? Thomas

11. What is your favorite book? Anything about baby Jesus

12. Who is your best friend?
Ethan, Hunter & Bradley

13. What is your favorite cereal? Granola

14. What is your favorite thing to do outside?
Shovel snow (he is most definitely his father's son on this one!!!)

15. What is your favorite drink? Chocolate almond milk

16. What is your favorite holiday? "Trunk or treat" and Christmas

17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night?
Captain America and angry bird

18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?
Waffles with syrup

19. What do you want for dinner on your birthday?
Cake!

20. What do you want to be when you grow up?
A man :-P

Food is food...

Me: "do you love food?"
H: "yes! I love food AND I love dessert!"
Me: "dessert is food"
H: "no it's not. Dessert isn't food. It's just....dessert. And it's yummy!"

I agree. Dessert deserves its own special group. :-P

His favorite food...

Me: "what is your favorite food?" (I'm expecting to hear pizza, spaghetti, pb&j, etc)
H (with great enthusiasm): "hmmmmmm. I know! The buffet!"
Me: "ummm, the buffet is your favorite food?"
H: "yep it is. The CHINESE buffet"
I guess he knows what he likes :-P

The Big Smell....

Naptime conversations....
H: "Mommy, what is that big smell?"
Me: "Are you talking about my breath?" (I had just eaten some Indian spiced sweet potatoes)
H: "yeah. You smell like chicken and I just want you to know that you are making me HUNGRY!!!"