Thursday, October 2, 2014

I yelled today...

I was in the kitchen making my kids lunch today. Ham and cheese. Annie's graham crackers. Milk. I realized when I finished that it was quiet. TOO quiet.

I went on a search and found them both in Hudson's closet where they had emptied every toy bin, clothing bin, and every single box of books. I then realized they had done the same in the family room and E's room. HOW did they manage to do that in 10 minutes when I had left them quietly playing together?

So I yelled. I yelled at them for making a mess, I yelled at them to clean it up. I yelled at them that I couldn't believe they would do this when they knew better. Hudson laughed and I yelled at him to stop laughing.

My house was a mess and looked horrible. I yelled at my kids today for messing it up. I didn't eat my lunch and I cried in a room by myself. I needed Jesus and His wisdom. I needed His grace.

So yes, this day was a royal failure in all kinds of ways. And here I am confessing to the whole world. Transparency is needed though. I want to be a non-yelling mom! No excuses! 

I realized after my yelling spree that they were both quietly looking at me. E is too young to fully grasp it yet, but Hudson looked wounded. Did I call them names? No. Did I scream? No. Will they be scarred? I sure hope not because it IS rare for me to yell. But, was *I* wrong? You betcha, and I asked them to forgive me. I am so thankful for children who show such grace to their mama and love me still. :-) I want them to feel safe and know I will love them through anything. That I will be there for them when they mess up. 

Does it make me the worst mother ever because I yelled? No. But is that the kind of mom I want to be or the kind of mom that my kids know me as? Never! Time for a change :-)

The house is still now during their quiet time and as I sit here sipping my homemade pumpkin spice latte (with Wildtree pumpkin spice blend), I am able to clear the cobwebs away, pray, and share my heart with my readers and friends. 

As Anne Shirley says, "Tomorrow IS a new day, with NO mistakes in it". And as Jesus says, "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 

Don't mess up your days with anger and harsh discipline. Love them. What memories do you want to have 20 years from now? Just think on it :-) 



Friday, July 11, 2014

A paradox...

Maybe someday I'll get my whole life story written out, but this recent writing of mine will have to do for now.
my life is a paradox...
I was....
conceived.
born.
unwanted.
wanted.

ignored.
listened to.

the least of.
the best of.

given up.
adopted.

abandoned.
enfolded.

rejected.
accepted.

loved only when convenient.
loved for who I am.

bitter.
happy.

distraught.
content.

unsettled.
settled.

angry.
calm.

hypocritical.
sincere.

but God took hold of my heart and changed me.
I forgave... wholeheartedly and without abandon.

I now...
love.
rejoice.
accept.
hope.
dream.

and continue to forgive and strive for courage and beautiful grace.

for this, my heart is grateful...

Monday, December 30, 2013

Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014!

What 2013 Looked Like for Us:




*Best Meal*: for our 5th anniversary we went to a restaurant in Rochester, MI called "Kruse & Muir on Main". The service was fantastic, but the food was incredible. My meal was lobster and shrimp with saffron cream! We then had homemade chocolate mousse (on the house because it was our anniversary!) Absolutely SUPERB!

*Favorite Book*: "Not a Fan" Kyle Idleman :-)

*Soundtrack*: The Rend Collective Experiment "Campfire"

*Movies*: "Frozen" and "Impossible"

*Songs*: "He is with us" Love & the Outcome, "What are we waiting for" Matt Papa, and "Worn" Tenth Avenue North

*Favorite place we visited*: Lake Ann, Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore, Traverse City, and Glen Arbor (all with my little family, parents, brother and SIL in August!)

*Epic Moment*: When we were at North Park for our final night of candidating and then left so they could vote for Michael. After we left and went to a local coffee shop to wait to hear, they called us with the news that the church had voted us in with an overwhelming YES! As we walked back into the church that evening, tears of joy were in both of our eyes as the wonderful people clapped and cheered for us. We then had a short time of prayer and everyone came forward to congratulate and welcome us as their new pastor and his wife. We will never forget that beautiful night!

*Most Poignant*: our mission's trip to Detroit. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that my life and outlook was forever changed as we ministered to the people there. We went to help them, but I think we were helped and encouraged even more by their love and acceptance of us. :-)

*Greatest Joy*: watching my children grow and not only love us and each other, but learn about Jesus and how He died for them!

*Scariest afternoon*: when my grandma was undergoing a quadruple bypass and we weren't sure if she was going to make it. So thankful that God spared her life and she is still with us :-)

*High Point*: moving to Grand Rapids is definitely #1, but meeting Kristyn Getty at the gospel coalition conference in April and getting my picture taken with her was a close second. ;-)

*Theme Verse*: 1 Peter 5:10
"And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you."

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

20 Questions...

I thought I would ask my almost 5 year old some important questions. Enjoy!


1. What is your favorite color?
Blue

2. What is your favorite toy? Thomas and Captain America

3. What is your favorite fruit? Apples and Oranges

4. What is your favorite TV show? Super Squad

5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch?
Macaroni & Cheese

6. What is your favorite outfit?
My Captain America shirt with muscles

7. What is your favorite bible story? Jesus and Adam & Eve

8. What is your favorite snack? Fruit "lever"

9. What is your favorite animal?
A bear like Winnie the Pooh!

10. What is your favorite song? Thomas

11. What is your favorite book? Anything about baby Jesus

12. Who is your best friend?
Ethan, Hunter & Bradley

13. What is your favorite cereal? Granola

14. What is your favorite thing to do outside?
Shovel snow (he is most definitely his father's son on this one!!!)

15. What is your favorite drink? Chocolate almond milk

16. What is your favorite holiday? "Trunk or treat" and Christmas

17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night?
Captain America and angry bird

18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?
Waffles with syrup

19. What do you want for dinner on your birthday?
Cake!

20. What do you want to be when you grow up?
A man :-P

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Food is food...

Me: "do you love food?"
H: "yes! I love food AND I love dessert!"
Me: "dessert is food"
H: "no it's not. Dessert isn't food. It's just....dessert. And it's yummy!"

I agree. Dessert deserves its own special group. :-P

Monday, July 15, 2013

His favorite food...

Me: "what is your favorite food?" (I'm expecting to hear pizza, spaghetti, pb&j, etc)
H (with great enthusiasm): "hmmmmmm. I know! The buffet!"
Me: "ummm, the buffet is your favorite food?"
H: "yep it is. The CHINESE buffet"
I guess he knows what he likes :-P





The Big Smell....

Naptime conversations....
H: "Mommy, what is that big smell?"
Me: "Are you talking about my breath?" (I had just eaten some Indian spiced sweet potatoes)
H: "yeah. You smell like chicken and I just want you to know that you are making me HUNGRY!!!"


Saturday, July 6, 2013

Aunt Sarah's Wedding

Me: "What are you going to do at Aunt Sarah's wedding?"
H: "have lots of fun!"
Me: "yes it will be a lot of fun. What else?"
H: "I'm going to be her merry little man!" :-D

David and Goliath...

Our four year old son waxed eloquently on the story of David and Goliath...
H: "David went after Goliath, hit him on the head and knocked him down!"
Me: "oh no! What happened to Goliath?"
H: "he had bleed on him and then he died up!" :-D




Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Blessing of a Little Life... Everlynn's Birth Story

My sweet Everlynn Sarah turned one today. It reminded me of the wonderful miracle of her birth. I thought I would share that with you tonight. :-)

************

I'll never forget the moment I found out I was pregnant with you. I was going to concoct some elaborate scenario to tell your Papa, but I ended up squealing and showing him the pregnancy test. From the first moments of excitement, i just knew you were going to be a girl.

I started throwing up early. It was just really rough. My day consisted of waking up, throwing up, eating breakfast, throwing up, eating lunch, throwing up, sleeping, eating dinner, throwing up, going to bed. And starting everything over again the next day. Even in the midst of 9 months of sickness, I still was so grateful for your little life and couldn't wait to hold you! I was however, extremely grateful for a wonderful group of supportive midwives as well as the opportunity to have you at one of the best and natural hospitals in the nation.

When you were about 18 weeks, we went to go for your ultrasound to see if you were a boy or girl, and make sure everything was growing properly. I'll never forget the moment when they said "It's a girl". I just KNEW it! I quickly imagined all the pink, frilly clothing, and shopping trips together. :-)



But that was quickly followed by concerns from the doctors that you weren't growing properly, especially your head, abdomen, and heart. It was something that your Papa and I went to our knees in prayer for more than once. It was so hard waiting for each sonogram. I was so relieved after several ultrasounds when they gave you a clean bill of health. Who knows, maybe they were wrong in the first place, or maybe God healed whatever issue you were dealing with? No matter what, we know God is powerful and totally capable. :-

After that was over, we were able to totally enjoy looking forward to your arrival, even in the midst of sickness! Our church threw a beautiful shower for you and your Grandmama and Great Grandma came! :-D

Because I had your brother at home 2 1/2 weeks early, I thought for sure you would be early too! Well, we got to 40 weeks, and then when you were 6 days overdue, your Mama started having complications. My blood pressure was very high, and my legs became extremely swollen and started turning purple. After seeing a wonderful team of midwives during the previous 9 months, I decided to see the doctor in charge and he recommended an induction if you were not born by the time the weekend came around. He also diagnosed me with Gestational Hypertension.

I felt so anxious. What if I had a c-section? What if I had to have an epidural? All these "what if's" were bothering me. And then I remembered who I was supposed to bringing my worries to. After much prayer and talking to Jesus, I felt calm and ready. They scheduled my induction for that saturday night at 11 pm. I prayed about that too because it sounded absolutely miserable to be induced at night. :-P They then rescheduled for Sunday at 6:00 pm. That definitely sounded a little better.

This was taken right before we headed to the hospital. :-)

I remember showing up at the hospital at 6 pm all ready to go! I was so excited! We got there, got all checked in, and they came in to talk. They said because it was super bowl sunday, they were over crowded with women who ate super bowl food that made them sick, that then made them go into labor.
They asked me to come back the next morning so they could give me more attention. :-) I didn't mind at all. I wanted to have a wonderful hospital experience and not get overlooked, or have my baby not get the best care. So we found a hotel and stayed there with your Grandmama. :-) Of course your poor Papa was up all night because your Grandmama AND your Mama snored all night long. ;-)

We showed up at 7:00 and they started the induction. Since I was already 3 centimeters and 50% effaced, they only had a couple of induction options, especially since you hadn't dropped yet. My awesome midwife gave me HALF the recommended dose of Cytotec and within a few hours you had dropped and they broke my water! I did not go into labor until my water broke, but it was so fast from that moment on. It is so amazing how God created our bodies. So much pain, but endurance as well!

I remember at one point, my one support nurse was holding onto me as I gasped in pain and was breathing low deep breaths, and she kept telling me that I could do this. That I was in control and my baby would be here soon! As I was going through transition (key word for a moment of insanity when baby is almost there but you feel like you can't go through one more second of this incredible pain), I told the nurse and my mom to give me medication! They had a little pow wow and decided to help me do whatever possible to get through this med free because they knew that is what I wanted. Within minutes I was in the jacuzzi tub, lights dimmed, essential oils going, soft music, and warm towels around my neck. I started dozing and felt comfortable for the first time.

All of a sudden I had this incredible urge to push and had immense pain during a long contraction! They got me out of the tub as fast as is possible with a largely pregnant lady, and got me onto the bed. All I wanted was to push, and push and push! But she told me to wait as she checked me. It was so hard to control. She told me my cervix was still in the way but to wait until my next contraction and I could push. Within seconds the contraction took hold of me and I pushed the cervix out of the way and she told me to push again. Two more pushes and you came rushing out, big and beautiful! They put you on my chest right away and you started nursing within seconds as your Papa cut the cord. The midwives did an amazing job and were so thrilled that your labor and delivery only took 4 1/2 hours! :-D



You were just so sweet and had the biggest eyes I've ever seen! An immense love rushed over me and tears rolled down my cheeks as I thanked Jesus for your dear little life. You were my little girl and I knew that God had blessed us much more than we could ever deserve.





May Jesus become your All as you grow into a woman after His own heart. We love you sweetie! <3 1st="" birthday="" happy="" nbsp="" p="">


Monday, February 4, 2013

2012 in a nutshell...

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before? 
I went on my first Mission's trip! Had a baby girl in a hospital with a team of amazing midwives, (my first was born at home), and was induced. Went Paleo!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  
I made a goal to eat healthier, get in shape and lose weight. I lost 54 pounds by the end of the year and totally changed my diet around to be 100% Paleo. I also resolved to grow closer to Jesus and He now means more to me than ever before!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?  
No, but I had my baby girl, Everlynn, on February 6, 2012!

4. Did anyone close to you die?  
Yes, Michael's grandfather.  

5. What countries did you visit?  
None this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?  
a lot of things, but especially energy and more opportunities to minister to others.  

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?  
That moment on February 6, when Everlynn was born and I looked into her beautiful big dark eyes! Love at first sight!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? 
Having a baby. Nursing with zero problems. Remodeling most of our home! Potty training Hudson.

9. What was your biggest failure?  
Worrying too much about what people think of me and trying to keep way too many people happy and pleased. Not being organized enough. Disappointing people.  

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? 
Some

11. What was the best thing you bought?  
Decorations for our home! Baby girl bedding from Pottery Barn Kids!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?  
My husband for being 100% supportive in my weight loss and health recovery journey!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?  
a lot of unmentioned people

14. Where did most of your money go?  
bills, fuel, food

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?  
Michael's ordination, Everlynn's baby dedication, our housewarming party that my parents threw, and getting to go to NC for Christmas!

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?  
"In My Own Little World" Matthew West and "Blessings" by Laura Story

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?  
much much happier (not that i was unhappy before, I am just healthier now)!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?  
spent more time with God

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?  
worrying over little stuff

20. What was your favorite TV program?  
Merlin, Marple, Poirot, Once Upon a Time

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? 
nope.

26. What was the best book you read?  
"Jesus + Nothing = Everything" by Tullian Tchividjian

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? 
"The Rend Collective Experiment", "The Civil Wars", and "She & Him"

28. What did you want and got?  
My own little home

30. What was your favorite film of this year? 
 The Hobbit

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?  
I turned 31. It was low key with family, but really a fun time spent at the mall and a restaurant!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?  
More sleep  

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? 
Postpartum Frumpiness. Thank goodness things are looking brighter in that area.  

34. What kept you sane?  
Jesus, Michael, and much prayer

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?  
My husband, the preacher  

36. What political issue stirred you the most?  
the whole presidential election... sigh

37. Who did you miss? 
my family and my best friend Crystal

38. Who was the best new person you met?  
Sharon Floyd. The wife of the Michigan Association of Regular Baptist Churches. She is my prayer partner and is so encouraging!!!!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:  
letting go and learning how to live a life full of faith and grace

Monday, January 28, 2013

Mawwiage.... mawwiage is what bwings us togeddar...

Marriage IS what brings us together forever. :-)

Many couples can recount trivial challenges such as the other spouse not replacing the lid on the toothpaste or constantly forgetting to put the toilet lid down. Michael and I have most definitely faced our fair share of intense challenges in our four and a half years of marriage. Five moves, an unexpected honeymoon baby, birth and delivery, whooping cough, spending 10 1/2 days in Children's Medical Center wondering if our baby was going to make it through, a miscarriage, full time ministry, financial stress, potty training (oh yes, I could write a whole blog just about that), and trying to balance our time wisely. Wow, I think that is enough to make anyone go intensely insane, right? ;-)

Here is just some encouragement to those of you contemplating marriage, engaged, or newly married. 1. Pray together daily: Michael and I pray together daily and not only is it a time of praise and thanksgiving for what He has done, it is also a time where we exercise our faith in believing in what He is going to do in our lives. This also includes corporate worship (unless sickness is present of course). There are few things I enjoy as much as singing praise songs to the Lord on a sunday morning by my husband's side. :-) 

2. Live sacrificially: It seems like some couples seem to think it is always the wife who is supposed to give up everything when she gets married, has kids, etc. However, Michael and I believe this is a two way street. If the husband comes home from work and the house is STILL a mess, the toddler is wreaking havoc, the baby is running around in a dirty diaper, and the wife is laying on the couch feeling sick and exhausted, it is not for the husband to berate her in her failings that day. It is time for him to change that diaper, get her a drink of water, and put his arms around her. But this also goes both ways. If your husband is stressed over a work or school project, don't complain about his lack of attention to you on that day or that he is not helping with the children. Take care of the kids, make dinner, rub his neck and tell him you love him. This applies to intimacy as well. ;-) 
  
3. Submit one to another: The bible says the wife is to submit to the husband. However, the Bible also says that the husband is to love his wife. It is not loving to treat your wife like she is a door mat. Marriages equals mutual respect of each other. This involves discussing important decisions. There are definitely times when Michael says we need to do something that I don't want to do, but I do it because I trust him that he is wise and since he rarely asks me to do much (outside of caring for the house and Hudson), I do it (though he never asks me to do anything we haven't talked about). Most men want a partner in life, not a puppy.  Please treat your wife like than equal! This goes for the wife too. Don't discount the decisions your husband makes. Don't make him afraid to lead because of what your reaction might be. 

4. Never do any name calling: Words are like wounds, they will heal but always leave a scar. Think twice before opening your mouth. Try to say I love you instead. 

5. Do not try to change each other: If there is something you do not like about the person you love before you get married, it isn't going to magically disappear after the vows and honeymoon are said and done. You have two options here. Either discuss it before marriage (and be open about your own bad habits and such) and try to encourage change, or you need to accept it after marriage. Things CAN change, but it is up to God and not you. As a wife, I certainly do not want to be a "leaky faucet" so I try to take it to the Lord when something irritates me and not get on Michael constantly (and vice versa). Have a teachable spirit and take constructive criticism to the Lord in prayer instead of reacting. It's not my job to be the Holy Spirit in his life.

6. Do not correct or criticize in front of others: Thankfully, Michael has never done this to me, but I have been around people who do this. It really does wound! It can discount a persons opinion and make them shut off communication because they are afraid they are going to be embarrassed or hurt again. If your spouse says something you consider incorrect, inappropriate, or ignorant, do NOT tell them that in front of others. This is a BIG no-no! This also goes for other people correcting or criticizing your spouse. Nip it in the bud!

7. Keep your communication free and open: Set aside 30 minutes each evening to sit and discuss your day, feelings, etc. Do not let other things crowd out sharing your hearts with each other. These distractions can come in the way of TV, internet, and yes, even children. 

8. Go on weekly dates and keep the romance alive!: Michael and I do not have a lot of spare money for dates, but most of the time (usually monday evenings) I will make a meal and we will eat it at home with a lit candle and romantic music playing. We talk about life and try to avoid talking about work/church stuff and it helps us to stay connected. :-)

9. Do not let your children crowd out your relationship with your spouse: It is all too easy to get so wrapped up in your child''s cuteness, antics, and milestones that it comes before anything else, but most importantly your spouse. Make sure that you aren't ignoring your husband or wife in favor of your kids. Your kids grow up and leave eventualy, but it is till death do you part with your spouse. When the kids leave, you want to be able to still have a loving and open relationship with your husband or wife. 

10. Give your spouse the freedom to be themselves: Whether this is their hobbies, clothing or hair styles, personality, etc. We don't have money for me to keep up on a lot of the current clothing fashions and such, but Michael always makes sure to budget enough for me to get my hair cut. Even when I am wearing the same clothes as 2 years ago, a stylish cut keeps me feeling pretty and feminine. Budget needs to be taken into consideration. If one of you knows you don't have the money for something, don't buy it. Wait till a special occasion comes along and buy it then (after saving for it). 

I am by no means a marriage guru, especially only having been married 4 1/2 years, but after going through some intense hardship, God has not only kept the two of us together, but has knit us even more tightly than ever before. When a couple has the joy of the Lord and a mutual love for Christ, being continually in His word as a couple and praying together draws you even closer. I love it when my friends tell me that their husband is their best friend and companion. There is nothing better than that. So in closing, marriage is not a challenge to me. It is a life changing, character growing,and love expanding experience. Couples who pray together and find joy in Jesus WILL find joy in each other.

Remember to keep your priorities straight....
God
Spouse
Children
Church 




Thursday, June 14, 2012

Has it really been four years?


Four years ago, I dressed up in a beautiful white gown, placed a tiara and veil on my curled hair, and walked down the aisle to marry my handsome prince. There were a few hitch's along the way, but what mattered most is that you were waiting for me as I walked down on my father's arm. I remember that I wasn't nervous at all, just so excited to be joining together with you on the journey of life. 

It has been a whirlwind of seminary, 2 adorable children, moving several times, full time ministry, and so much more! We pledged in "sickness and in health" and it's been both. "For richer and for poorer" and it's definitely been more of the latter. :-P Still, God has always been faithful and I love Michael more today than ever before. 

Happy 4th anniversary darling! I look forward to loving you for the next 60 years.




"The Ribbon Roads keep rolling,
By castle and shore
I remember every rhythm
Of wild ocean roar
There we have wandered
As dream dwellers roam
The Ribbon Roads keep rolling
From long, long ago

The Ribbon Roads keep rolling
Unbroken and free
Full of hidden memory
That calls you and me
If footsteps could whisper
They surely would tell
The Ribbon Roads keep rolling
With songs they know well

Oh my love and friend of mine
Walk with me till the end of time
Hold my hand mile after mile

Oh the Ribbon Roads keep rolling
They’re heavy with sighs
They seem like shining rivers
In rain-blackened skies
But here comes the morning
In crimson and green
The Ribbon Roads keep rolling
As they’ve always been

Oh the Ribbon Roads keep rolling
From dusk until dawn
The road that we have taken
Has taken us on
We see where we came from
And see distant bends
The Ribbon Roads keep rolling
Till our journey ends…"
Keith Getty


Everlynn...

Our sweet baby girl, Everlynn was born February 6. she is SUCH a happy blessing!






Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year....


From our hearts to yours :-)

Love,
Michael, Stephanie, Hudson and baby girl (due Jan. 2012)

Friday, September 30, 2011

Driven By Desire

What do you enjoy? What experiences or things of this life do you enjoy most? Would you enjoy business success or financial gain? Do you enjoy a delicious meal from your favorite restaurant? I’m sure, like me, you would certainly enjoy a big bowl of ice cream on a hot summer day, or an icy-cold glass of lemonade after a long day’s work.

Would you enjoy owning a brand-new sports car, say a late model Ferrari or a Lamborghini Diablo? Or more realistically, would you enjoy a ridiculously fun job that meets your bills and maintains a decent standard of living for your family – how about being a toy and game designer for children? Would you enjoy a romantic evening with your spouse? Or that soft “kiss goodnight”? Maybe you would really enjoy traveling to exotic or beautifully remote locations like Alaska, Peru, New Zealand, Switzerland, or Nepal? I know I certainly would.

Or perhaps you would simply enjoy coming home to an orderly house with the family all residing in quiet, peaceful harmony. Maybe you would enjoy spending more time with your aging parents or close siblings who live out-of-state. For me, I love the simple joy of coming home to the sight of Hudson peeking out the window with a big smile on his face – all the while hearing him shout, “Daddy’s home!” There is pure enjoyment in the warmth of a child’s love.

We could go on and name two or three more dozen items or experiences that we would enjoy – and it probably wouldn’t take more than 5 short minutes. We know what we enjoy and we seek after the fulfillment of our tastes.

Built for Pleasure

We are built as beings seeking after enjoyment, happiness, and pleasure. All men, women, and children seek happiness. As Blaise Pascal wrote, “This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end [seek happiness].” But is seeking enjoyment or happiness wrong? Are we supposed to muddle along through life with a whip at our side, ready to beat ourselves into painful suffering if we enjoy life too much? Obviously, the answer is no.

Yet, there remains a problem. We are driven by a desire for something more. Like most people, you and I are driven to fill our enjoyment factor or desire quotient with something or someone that will never bring lasting joy or fulfillment.

Can we honestly say we find our greatest enjoyment and pleasure in God Himself? If we are around church friends and family, oh yes! You and I would repeat the memorized lingo.

The Hinge of Enjoyment

However, I believe you and I know, in the depths of our souls, that we find most of our enjoyment outside of God. You see, the problem is not love, joy or pleasure. We were built by God to seek these things. The crux of the matter is what we find to be the object and source of our joy or pleasure. This is the hinge on which our purpose for living hangs. Who or what we enjoy most shows what we believe to be the purpose for our existence. So, I ask myself, “Am I enjoying God Himself more than anything else?”

I know what my answer should be. But I’m not sure I can always give an honest, affirmative answer to this question. I wonder, is my relationship with God so limited and shortsighted that I am not finding all the pleasure and delight available in Him?

The God Factor

The godly, revered authors of the Westminster Shorter Catechism wrote, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” Do I really enjoy God above all right now and look forward to an eternity dwelling in the delight of Him alone?

But then we must wonder, maybe the problem is who we know God to be. Perhaps you view God as a mean-spirited dictator who demands your duty – well performed and punctual to the timeline. Or perhaps you view God as a hateful judge who is scrutinizing your every move so he can keep your eternal rewards as slim as possible. Maybe you think God is vindictive, unforgiving, and narcissistic. Or like me, you have thought God loves you more or less depending on your daily actions. However, all of these views of God are aberrant or incomplete.

Getting God Straight

I am moved by how King David described his relationship with God:

“I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (Psalm 6:8-11; see also 34:8; 36:8; 37:4; 42:1-2; 63:1; 73:25; Isa 12:12; Luke 2:10; John 10:10; Phil 4:4; Rev. 21:3-4)

Notice what David does not say. He does not say, “I have set the LORD always before me, so that he will love me more.” David does not announce, “He is at my right hand watching my every move, therefore, I am shaking with fear that I might make a mistake.” No, David views God correctly and fully. God is the source of His joy and pleasure. David has recognized that in God alone is true and full satisfaction. Therefore, he cannot contain himself! He has experienced the true pleasure and joy found in God alone, and his heart is filled with praise. Because David fully enjoy God, the Lord was made known through his life.

Because David fully enjoyed God, the Lord was made known through his life.

This is how God is glorified – this is how He is made known. When we fully grasp who God is and the joy and delight of Him, then and only then is He glorified! To tweak an old adage, you can’t put the mommy in front of the stroller. Our enjoyment of God is the means by which He is glorified. Pastor John Piper proclaims it this way: “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.”

This is the same reason why the apostle Paul boldly instructed the church in Philippi to “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice” (Phil 4:4). Even though Paul was under house arrest in Rome and far from his friends – he had found the enjoyment of God to be satisfying.

Pleasure Forever

This is what it looks like now - in the present. But the pleasures of God are not just for “now” – they are also “forever” and even better! The glimpse we have caught in this present age will be finally and fully realized when Christ returns to reign on the earth forever:

“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, or crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:3-4).

Pleasure, joy, and peace in God are the promises of Christ for His people. We are to be driven by desire – the desire of God. This is why we exist. This is why we are here. We exist to make God known by enjoying Him - all the time. So I ask you and myself, have we truly begun to live for God’s glory? Have we found in Him immense joy and pleasure?

As I mentioned, who or what we enjoy most shows what we believe to be the purpose for our existence. Do we enjoy the pleasures of Christ and the joy of grace more than anything else?

Maybe you are still trying to fill the “desire quotient” with items or experiences that won’t last. Perhaps you are attempting to be satisfied through temporary pleasure, power, or possessions. Most of us have fallen into this never-ending cycle. But with King David and the Apostle Paul, I want to declare to you that God Himself – a relationship with Him through Christ – is the only thing that will ultimately satisfy. God in Christ has offered an end to the journey for pleasure. In Him alone is found the pleasure you’ve been seeking. God has invited us to enjoy Him. Will you accept?


In Christ Alone,

Michael

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

...love at first sight...

I will never forget the first moment I saw Michael. My breath caught and I felt dizzy. He was by far the most handsome guy I had ever seen. What was wrong with me? I wasn't the type of girl to get weak kneed over a guy. I calmed myself and continued my conversation, aware that he was sitting right across from me, sneaking glances my way. There was no way I could have known that at that moment he was having the same reaction. People talk about love at first sight as a myth, an illusion. I do agree there is no such thing as deep love at first sight, but there are moments of connection and Michael and I definitely connected that day. We talked on and on for hours, finding that we had a lot in common and similar hearts for ministry and Jesus. I never thought I would see him again. :-)

Thankfully, I was wrong.

Now, five years after that brief and ordained meeting, I am married to that amazing man. I thank God for him every day. I am so grateful for all the big things, but also the small (having a husband who changes diapers without complaining is indeed a huge blessing). ;-) We have endured so many things together: a honeymoon baby, a deathly ill baby and sick wife who both had severe pertussis, no money, the hardships of graduate school, hard living situations, him working 2 jobs, etc. I could go on and on, but God protected us through each step of the way. The wondrous thing about it all is that God used those difficult circumstances to draw us closer to each other, not far apart.

To say that I love him seems insignificant and lacking. It is much deeper than that and I love seeing it grow more every day.

I adore you Michael and I can't think of any way I would rather spend my life than by your side, serving Jesus together every step of the way. <3 Happy 3rd anniversary Honey O' Mine!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

:: ah, wee babes are a delight ::


Yes. We are expecting another wee one in our home. Can't wait!!!! Children are a blessing from the Lord. :-D

Some prayer requests:
* safe, uneventful, and healthy pregnancy for me.
* healthy baby
* to find a house soon!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Up Your Intake...

Our little Hudson now has a bit more than 2 full years under his junior-size belt. With each new day comes another word, phrase, or hilarious facial expression. He sure loves to see us smile and laugh at his nutty antics – which, of course never cease. God has taught Stephanie and I a number of lessons through our journey with Hudson thus far and this past week another unusual class session arose at the Breznau home.

Several weeks ago, Hudson figured out all the tiny critters that crawl around on our porch and driveway (and sometimes our kitchen floor) are called “bugs.” In true toddler fashion he quickly added a goofy suffix to this generic word, turning every creepy, crawly creature into a “buggy,” or if more than one was in sight, “buggies!”

Ants, spiders, beetles, grasshoppers, and every other insect in God’s creation were now: Buggies! Sometimes Hudson would spot a crumb on the floor underneath our kitchen table and quickly stand up on one of the nearby chairs, and shriek, “buggies!”

Stephanie and I would often try to differentiate ants from spiders, and beetles from grasshoppers. Yet for Hudson the jury was in: they were all “buggies.” In his young mind he understood one fact – tiny moving things with skinny legs are buggies. It didn’t matter the color, shape, or sound, they were all buggies to Hudson.

Yet, this wasn’t the only part of our little guy’s world that was “toddlerized” (i.e. this means generalized for all you pedantic types out there). His all-time favorite toy – the car – included all cars, vans, pick-up trucks, dump trucks, and smaller semi-trucks (although bigger semi-trucks were conveniently lumped in with the large “train” category, which also included the 30 yard dumpster sitting beside our church!). Life is simple in a world of just bugs, cars, and trains. However, it is also drastically incomplete, isn’t it?

Sure, Stephanie and I could go on letting Hudson call everything that moves below his ankles “buggies” and most everything with four wheels a “car,” but such lack of definition doesn’t match up to the complexity of life. Eventually, Hudson will have to mature beyond his toddler understanding about the big, varied, and multifaceted world beyond our backdoor. This task will not be easy. In order for him to learn even just a portion of the specific names for insects and cars will take time, exertion, energy, and lots of rote memorization.

From the Toddlerized to the Evangelicalized

Yet, you and I often fall into the same world of simple generalization. We have our handy “evangelicalized” terms, which fit nice, broad categories of an undefined spirituality. We all tend to simply want to understand only the easy parts of the Christian life and faith. Exertion is shunned in our day of entitlement mentalities and entertainment philosophies. We subconsciously believe that being cool or displaying a “cool-factor” trumps communion with God and tenacious devotion for Christ. And so, we look at the Bible as a quick-fix item or cure-book to solve our problems.

Yes, the Gospel message is simple enough for a child to understand. Yes, we need to value skillfully executed media presentations. Yes, being declared righteous in the sight of God is received by grace through faith apart from any human work or effort (Eph 2:8-9). But, the walk of following Christ is not simple or easy. This walk is also by grace through faith. But the process of sanctification (growing toward maturity in Christ-likeness) is not performed on disinterested, limp bodies, but in and through those made alive in Christ. If our belief or representation of the Christian life is conveyed through a medium of “easy, cool, and generalized” than you and I have grossly distorted the message of God’s Word and the call of every Christ-follower.

Alive and Thriving

Hudson is most certainly alive and well. Yet he will also be encouraged and taught to learn beyond the elementary teachings of life. He will eventually grow beyond calling every sort of insect a “buggy.” He will probably soon grow out of naming all four-wheeled vehicles simply, “cars.”

As believers in the Savior Jesus Christ, we have been made spiritually alive in Him (Rom 6:1-11). We have been brought from death to life. But are we ready to up our spiritual intake? Are we growing beyond the simple, elementary, Sunday school answers for life? Or, are we on the brink of “failure to thrive”? Do you find yourself simply brushing over the more difficult passages of God’s Word? Do you rationalize Christ’s commands far away into oblivion? Are the complexities of life’s difficulties weighing heavily on your belief system? Sometimes it seems easier to succumb to a method of Bible study that says, “Out of sight, out of mind.” Yet, our call and commission as Christ-followers is far different…

Moving from Milk to Meat

The theme of progressing in spiritual maturity beyond the stage of infancy is repeated over and over again on the pages of the New Testament. Notice here what the writer to the Hebrews said:

[regarding Melchizedek – how Jesus Christ stands in relation to Melchizedek] “Concerning him we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.” (Hebrews 5:11-13)

As those who have been made alive in Christ, the exhortation and message of the Scriptures has a clarion call for us: Grow in Your Faith. We are to be ever maturing and progressing, by the grace of God, into greater Christ-likeness. This is precisely what the apostle Paul was inspired to write about through the Spirit’s direction in his letters to the churches in Corinth and Ephesus:

“And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual men, but as to men of flesh, as to infants in Christ. I gave you milk to drink, not solid food; for you were not yet able to receive it. Indeed, even now you are not yet able, for you are still fleshly. For since there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not fleshly, and are you not walking like mere man?” (1 Corinthians 3:1-3)

The result of the Corinthians spiritual immaturity was a severe and devastating disunity. They were the most horrendously perfect picture of a clique-driven church. As a result, their witness for Christ in the metropolis of Corinth was failing, flawed, and at best, weak. Unfortunately, you and I often fail to look and act any different. The church of today is rife with division, flimsy theology, self-appeasement lifestyles, and an ineffectual witness for our Savior. Yet, God has given us a specific syllabus to follow so that we will grow together and function properly as Christ’s Body. Pay close attention to the same theme found here:

And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.”(Ephesians 4:11-16)

Growing Beyond Bugs, Cars, and Trains

Our purpose in maturing in Christ is that we grow together in unity and love, and by this mankind will recognize that we are followers of Christ (John 13:35). This process of maturation will not be easy – just like it won’t be easy for Hudson to expand his mind beyond “buggies,” cars, and trains.

Moving from the trite answers of an infant faith to a growing understanding of Christ’s radical call to follow after Him will take time. And, can only be accomplished by His grace, through faith, and via our dependence on His power. Each of us are to learn to work as people gifted in different ways yet all functioning as one body, with Christ as our head. This unity in diversity proclaims the amazing work of God and will show the world the reality of our faith.

Grace to Grow

All this seems rather impossible, doesn’t it? Perhaps it should. To “mature…to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ” could never be accomplished in and of ourselves. Yet, as those made alive in Jesus Christ we have been given the grace to grow. You and I can grow in our faith and can up our spiritual intake by following God’s will revealed in the Scriptures.

We can be refined, purified, and directed by His Spirit through His Word. You and I can be exhorted, strengthened, and loved by others joined with us in this body. And we can be unified together in the mission of making God known in the world. This is the call of every Christ-follower. May God’s glory be known and His power be shown in and through our lives to the praise of His glorious grace.

In Christ Alone,

Michael Breznau

[This article was adapted from a sermon I delivered to the Evangel Baptist Youth Group on 6.1.11]

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

::a grateful heart::

As I was reflecting on His goodness to me, the following praises came to mind. These are just a drop in the bucket... there are so many more. I could write a book from all the praises we could share, prayers answered, food and necessities provided, needs met. His mercy is new every morning and His love endures forever!

Happy... that I have such a wonderful little family.

Tired... from such a busy schedule and little sleep, but feeling rested in Jesus.

Delighted... that our seminary journey is almost complete.

Relieved... that Michael still managed to get an amazing grade in spite of all we've been through.

In Love... with my wonderful husband.

Grateful... for all Jesus has given us.

Thankful... for the friends and family He has given us the privilege to know and love. Y'all have encouraged and supported us above and beyond what we could have ever expected or asked for.

PEACE... in knowing the Prince of Peace who reigns in my heart.

Anticipating... the next part of our journey together. There is so much more to come. There is so much here now!

I could just burst with extreme gratitude. :-) God has kept us throughout this journey. One thing we tried to keep in mind is that the things of this world do not matter. Only Christ. In Him alone do I put my trust. Believe me, it's worth it.

"Jesus Christ is not valued at all until He is valued above all." ~ Augustine


About Me

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My name is Stephanie and I grew up in Florida. I have been drawing since I could hold a crayon. Even though I never had any formal training, I am well known for my vibrant style. I enjoy painting murals, drawing wall art, colorful stationary & invitations, and many other artistic projects. I am currently working on writing and illustrating my first book.

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